An Open Letter To My Narcissistic Ex

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I could never send this to him, but I need to write it down.

Alex, I’m ready to wake up from this nightmare. Ever since our divorce, you’ve made co-parenting a living hell through your constant need for control and dominance.

Our relationship started with the usual butterflies and lust; the day we got married felt like one of the best days of my life. But during marriage, you slowly turned narcissistic and manipulative, controlling every aspect of our lives and constantly putting me down. 

I really hoped the divorce would free me from your grasp, but your behaviour as a co-parent proves you’re still determined to exert power over me, and I can’t take it anymore.

Simple Co-parenting

It started with the schedules and rules for the kids, like the times you randomly changed custody arrangements at the last minute, giving me little to no notice. Or all the decisions about rules, disciplinary actions, and activities without any consultation. Whenever I try to discuss it with you, you blow up, berate me, and accuse me of being an unfit parent.

The financial control was even worse after the separation. I can’t explain how awful it feels to have every expense monitored down to the cent, questioning and criticising how I spend money on the kids’ needs – when I have them 80% of the time. The threats to take me to court over negligible costs as a way to maintain control over me were exhausting. Let alone dealing with the logistics around child support payments which you’ve always made such a battle.

Then there’s the lengthy, hostile messages about my failings as a parent. Any response from me, no matter how reasonable, is twisted into an argument where I’m always to blame.

This ongoing belittling, gaslighting, and vitriol are destroying my mental health, Alex.  Worst of all is the impact on our kids. Cali and Cody are living in fear, anxiety, and distress. They’re being constantly caught in the dysfunctional crossfire between us. 

I just wish you would stop, listen, and care about the impact on all of us as a family.

Jenna

While I know sending him this will just set him off, I have a plan. I found an app I wish existed YEARS ago – and it’s already showing me that it’s possible to have a calm co-parenting experience. 

This app not only covers the logistics of our calendar and decisions, but it is also a central hub where all communication takes place and is monitored to ensure that all communication is effective. We’re both learning how to meet the needs of our kids while keeping the peace between ourselves. It’s so much more than an app, it’s a lifesaver!

CoOperate is available on the App Store and Google Play NOW – don’t wait another day to bring simple co-parenting and peace into your family’s life.

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