Can You Lose Custody for Not Co-Parenting?

A conversation with Family Expert Sharyn Green-Arndt.

Family separations are never easy, but when co-parenting breaks down, the impact on children can be lasting. We sat down with Sharyn Green-Arndt,co founder of The Co-Parenting Institute and a respected family expert, to talk about what happens when one parent refuses to co-parent—and whether it can affect custody arrangements in Australia. Spoiler: it can.

Let’s get straight to it. Can a parent actually lose custody for not co-parenting?

Technically, yes—but it’s not quite as black and white as that. The courts don’t just “take custody away” as punishment. But if a parent consistently refuses to cooperate, ignores court orders, or undermines the other parent—and that behaviour is harming the child’s wellbeing—then yes, the Family Court can change parenting arrangements.

It’s not about who’s more likeable or “winning.” It’s about what’s best for the child. That’s the legal gold standard under the Family Law Act 1975.

What does “not co-parenting” look like in real life?

Oh, it shows up in all sorts of ways. One parent not turning up for scheduled visits. Refusing to communicate about the child’s school or health. Constantly criticising the other parent in front of the kids. Or just stonewalling any attempt to work together.

I worked with a mum—we’ll call her Jess—who wouldn’t let her children see their dad because she was still angry over how things ended. She thought she was protecting them, but it ended up backfiring. The Court eventually changed the parenting orders and gave the father more time, and even sole parental responsibility for some key decisions.

So the Court really does take this seriously.

Very seriously. Because when a child is caught between two parents who can’t cooperate, they start to suffer. I’ve seen kids develop anxiety, start failing at school, or shut down emotionally—all because they’re stuck in the middle of adult conflict.

Even subtle things—like saying, “I can’t believe your dad forgot your soccer game”—can chip away at their sense of safety and loyalty. They love both parents, and they shouldn’t have to choose sides.

What if it’s the other parent refusing to co-parent—what can someone do then?

First step: document everything.

Every missed handover, every ignored email, every time your child is put in the middle. I always recommend using parenting apps like CoOperate. Keep records—calendars, messages, notes.

One dad I worked with, Ben, used a shared calendar to keep track of his ex’s frequent last-minute cancellations. It helped him show a clear pattern when things went back to court—and the judge took it very seriously.

If it gets that bad, what legal options are there?

You can apply to enforce current parenting orders or vary them. The Court might reduce the other parent’s time, increase yours, or grant one parent sole parental responsibility—which means they make key decisions alone.

But before heading to court, you’ll usually need to try Family Dispute Resolution—unless there’s a safety issue. If that fails, you get a Section 60I certificate, which allows you to proceed with a parenting application.

What if a parent says, “But my kid’s fine. They’re still going to school, still smiling.”

Just because a child is functioning doesn’t mean they’re not affected. Young kids might show it through tantrums or clinginess. Teens might get angry, avoidant, or withdraw. It’s easy to miss if you’re only looking for obvious signs.

And even if they seem fine now, the effects can show up later—when they form relationships, when they become parents themselves. The emotional fallout can echo long after the divorce is final.

Can a parent recover from being a poor co-parent? What if they realise too late?

Absolutely. I’ve seen it happen many times. The key is to own it, talk honestly with your child, and change the pattern. Apologise if you need to. Get support. Co-parenting is a skill—and like any skill, it can be learned. Sign up for a co-parenting course like Turning Point.

I often remind parents: you don’t have to be perfect, just consistent. If your child sees you trying, and sees both parents putting them first, that’s incredibly powerful.

What’s the big takeaway for separating parents worried about custody?

The big message is this: the Court will always come back to what’s best for your child. If you’re cooperative, respectful, and child-focused, that goes a long way. If the other parent isn’t, protect your child—but document, don’t retaliate.

Children don’t need two perfect parents. They need two adults who love them enough to work together, even when it’s hard.