How to Separate Without Ruining Your Children’s Lives

A Family Expert Shares Practical Advice for Protecting Your Kids During Separation

Decades ago, parents who decided to split were often blamed for a host of societal issues. The term “broken home” carried the weight of stigma, with people assuming that children of divorced parents would struggle to maintain lasting relationships as adults. Fast forward to 2025, with almost half of marriages ending in divorce, and this notion feels outdated. Yet, it remains a fact that children caught in the middle of a parental split are at risk of mental health challenges, according to Sharyn Green-Arndt from The Co-parenting Institute.

“Children can be incredibly resilient,” Green-Arndt explains. “But how parents handle the separation can make all the difference in whether kids emerge with emotional scars—or with a healthy outlook on family life.” Research supports her point: studies consistently show that children of divorced parents are more likely to exhibit signs of anxiety, depression, or behavioural issues. However, these risks can be mitigated when parents focus on co-parenting effectively and prioritising their children’s needs.

Make Decisions Without Putting Your Children in the Middle

When navigating the logistics of co-parenting, it might seem logical to ask children where they’d like to live or how they want to split their time. While it’s essential to consider their preferences, Green-Arndt warns against giving them too much responsibility.

“You need to make the big decisions yourselves as parents, keeping your children’s best interests at the centre,” she says. “When children, especially younger ones, feel they are in charge of arrangements, it can overwhelm them and heighten their anxiety.”

Creating a detailed parenting plan can help. Even if it’s not legally binding, a plan that outlines schedules for birthdays, holidays, and other important occasions can prevent misunderstandings and reduce stress.

A 2019 study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that children of separated parents fared better emotionally when clear co-parenting plans were in place. “Consistency provides a sense of security,” Green-Arndt explains. “It’s about removing uncertainty so your children can focus on being kids.”

Take Your Child’s Emotional Temperature

It’s easy to assume that a child who seems to be doing well in school or maintaining friendships isn’t affected by your divorce. But Green-Arndt notes that children’s emotional responses can change over time.

“Primary school-aged children might show obvious signs of distress, like withdrawal or low self-esteem,” she says. “Teenagers, on the other hand, may mask their feelings with anger or avoidance.

”Having regular check-ins can help parents address their children’s evolving needs. Research published in Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review suggests that open communication improves a child’s resilience during and after parental separation. “Letting your child express their feelings and ask questions shows them that their well-being matters,” Green-Arndt adds.

Don’t Lean on Your Kids for Emotional Support

Divorce consistently ranks as one of life’s most stressful events—second only to the death of a spouse. To avoid unintentionally burdening your children, Green-Arndt advises parents to seek adult support networks.

“Parents need to process their feelings separately so they can be emotionally present for their kids,” she explains. Therapy, support groups, or programs like The Co-parenting Institute’s Turning Point can provide guidance during this challenging time.

“It’s crucial to maintain a clear boundary,” Green-Arndt says. “Your children need you to be their anchor, not the other way around.”

Address Missteps and Move Forward

Divorce can bring out the worst in even the most well-meaning people. But Green-Arndt stresses the importance of acknowledging mistakes and focusing on the long-term goal: a healthy co-parenting relationship.

“If you’ve said or done something you regret, admit it and try to move forward,” she advises. “The key is to keep the bigger picture in mind—your child’s well-being.”

Even in cases where one parent feels more hurt or betrayed, it’s critical not to involve the child in disputes. A 2022 meta-analysis in Family Process found that children whose parents avoided conflict were less likely to develop emotional issues later in life.

Create New Traditions

The holidays, birthdays, and other milestones can be particularly tough after a divorce. While traditions will inevitably change, Green-Arndt encourages parents to create new rituals with their kids.

“Divorce doesn’t mean these events have to be stressful,” she says. “Start something fresh—whether it’s a special trip or a new family activity—to show your children that life can still be joyful.”

By following these strategies, parents can minimise the impact of divorce on their children. As Green-Arndt puts it, “Your relationship with your ex-partner may have ended, but your relationship with your child is forever. Focus on that, and you’ll be giving them the best foundation for their future.”