I hate co parenting with my ex

How to Make It Easier for You and Your Kids

Co-parenting with an ex you’d rather never see again is tough. You might feel frustrated, resentful, or like you’re constantly in a battle you never signed up for. You’re not alone—plenty of separated parents feel exactly the same. But here’s the thing: even though you can’t change your ex, you can change how you approach co-parenting to make life easier for yourself and, more importantly, your kids.

Here are some practical steps to reduce the stress, minimise conflict, and focus on what matters most—your children’s wellbeing.

Shift Your Focus From Your Ex to Your Kids

When you’re stuck in a loop of anger or frustration, it’s easy to make everything about your ex. But focusing on their flaws doesn’t help. Instead, try to shift your mindset:

Ask yourself: “What’s best for my kids?” Every decision, communication, and compromise should come back to this.

Children exposed to ongoing conflict suffer most—not because of the separation itself, but because of the fighting. Keeping things calm helps them feel secure and loved. It is sometimes easier said then done but if you keep focussed on the kids it will be easier.

Plan Your Communication

Does every message from your ex make your blood boil? You’re not alone. But hitting “send” on an angry reply won’t help. Instead:

• Pause before responding: Give yourself time to cool off and think before you reply.
• Be business-like: Treat co-parenting communication like a professional relationship. Keep it polite, brief, and focused on your kids.
• Use tools that help: Co-parenting apps like CoOperate allow you to keep messages organised and reduce emotional triggers. CoOperate is built to minimise conflict and the rest of your phone is yours again. You wont feel anxiety when your phone pings as all text messages and emails wont be from your ex. All communication is located in the app.

Set Boundaries and Stick to Them

You don’t have to respond to every text or email immediately—especially when emotions run high.

• Set specific times to check and respond to messages. For example, tell your ex you’ll respond to non-urgent messages within 24 or 48 hours.
• If they send a barrage of texts, pick out the important points and ignore the rest. Respond calmly and clearly.

Boundaries will protect your emotional energy. Less back-and-forth also means less conflict.

Focus on Self-Care

It’s hard to be a calm, patient parent when you’re burnt out or overwhelmed. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.

• Talk to friends, a therapist, or join support groups where others “get it.”
• Prioritise sleep, exercise, and activities that recharge you.
• Remind yourself: the calmer and healthier you are, the better you can show up for your kids.

Stop Rehashing the Past

The past is messy. Your ex may have done things that were unfair or hurtful. But dragging those old arguments into your co-parenting relationship will only make things harder.

• Focus on the present. Your goal is to move forward and create a calm, cooperative environment for your children.
• When conflict arises, ask yourself: “Will this matter a year from now?” If not, let it go.

Consider Co-Parenting Support

Sometimes, trying to figure it all out alone feels impossible. A course like Turning Point can give you tools to manage conflict, improve communication, and feel more in control. Co-parenting courses aren’t just for “bad or high conflict” co- parents—they’re for anyone who wants to make life easier.

Apps like CoOperate are also game-changers. They simplify schedules, keep conversations focused, and help remove the emotional sting from everyday communication.

It’s okay to hate co-parenting sometimes. It’s hard work. But small changes—pausing before replying, setting boundaries, focusing on your kids—can make a big difference over time.

Remember: your kids don’t need you and your ex to like each other. They just need you both to show up for them in a calm, cooperative way. That’s how you win at co-parenting, even when it feels impossible.

If you’re struggling, sign up to our Turning Point course or CoOperate app to help you. Co-parenting doesn’t have to be perfect. It just needs to work well enough for your kids to feel loved, safe, and happy.